You’ve heard that song a thousand times. You’ve seen all the merch. If you’ve got kids, you probably know the entire movie word for word.
Frozen has become the highest-grossing animated film of all time, and by a mile (Toy Story 3 took $1.06bn, Frozen smashed it with $1.27bn).
It has also been heralded as the finest Disney movie made since the studio’s golden era, and won its fair share of awards to back it up.
Even ten months later—with a full summer almost behind us—everyone is still pouring praise over a winter-themed movie released to appease (and capitalize on) the Thanksgiving family crowd.
But can we be honest here for a second?
It’s not all that good a movie.
Best ask the kids to leave the room as we reveal why Frozen is overrated.
1. The Soundtrack Sucks
Shock! Horror! Blasphemy!
No, we’re not saying “Let It Go” sucked, although even by Disney’s standards it was overly saccharine and chintzy. But when you compare the entirety of the Frozen soundtrack with some of the better earlier Disney movies, you’ll quickly realize one thing: that there are very few good songs here.
In fact, it’s a pretty unmemorable soundtrack. You’ll probably remember “Let It Go” and the little refrain from “Do You Want to Build a Snowman?,” and perhaps “Love Is An Open Door” (but for all the wrong reasons).
Other than that, the rest of the movie is bereft of anything catchy or long lasting; the soundtrack of Frozen is overrated, and if someone claims otherwise, you know that they’re only really talking about “Let it Go.”
2. No Bad Guys
Jafar. Cruella de Vil. Maleficent. Scar.
These are all great examples of Disney baddies. This, however, is not:
The Duke of Weselton (yes, the character had a name) was about as intimidating as a wet blanket, and his evil plan relates to enforcing bureaucracy to leverage greater trade deals.
Skyrocketing to a nail biting 0.5/10 on the threat level, this is about all that happens with the Duke and he’s largely forgotten about for the rest of the movie.
“Ah, but the real villain is Hans!” people cry. Sure, but he only reveals his true intentions in the third act.
Not only are the Frozen baddies a bit lame, but for 70% of the movie, there isn’t even a baddie.
3. These Things
There’s absolutely no reason why these troll things should be in the script, and the only reason they are is that the merchandising department stuck their oar into the writing process at some point during development.
They’re a deus ex machina device that, if anything, are an overwhelmingly negative force in the story: they dish out terrible advice, practically destroy Elsa’s childhood and her relationship with Anna, can only heal injuries caused by ice magic when it suits them, and fail to identify that it’s Elsa’s love Anna needs to save her, not a man’s (totally undermining the ‘yay female independence!’ message people take from Frozen).
Oh, and they also urge Anna to cheat on her fiancee and forcibly tries to wed her and Kristoff, despite the fact that they show no romantic affection for each other at this stage and that he isn’t suitable for him until she ‘fixes him up.’
Nice going, Love Experts.
4. This Thing
From the character designers: “He isn’t just funny, he’s also got a big role to play representing the innocent love in the scale of fear versus love. Olaf couldn’t just be thrown in, he had to have a purpose and that one of his purposes was to be the embodiment of the sisterly relationship that had gone cold.”
Except he doesn’t do any of that; the only time we get a glimpse into the characters’ relationships with each other is when they’re sharing dramatic scenes together, not through Olaf’s idiotic observations. And given that these dramatic scenes are easily the best bits in Frozen, it’s more than a little annoying to have tensions rise in a masterfully crafted way only for Olaf to dive into the scene and souffle the whole thing.
Not nearly as funny as past Disney sidekicks, he really is just the token “wacky” character the studio has to throw in to appease younger kids and sell toys (and “wacky” is Disney’s word, not ours. Ugh.)
5. It Doesn’t Make a Lick of Sense
Frozen is overrated, but not only that, it’s full of poor logic and outright contradictions. Including… (deep breath):
- How did the sisters not go clinically insane having grown up in isolation?
- Why is their reunion so weirdly nonchalant?
- How on earth does Elsa not know she’s plunged the kingdom into eternal winter until Anna tells her?
- Why does Elsa blast Anna with ice powers immediately after stating she wants to protect Anna from her ice powers?
- Why doesn’t Elsa just tell her sister about the childhood accident? In fact, why doesn’t Kristoff fill her in given that he knows the entire story?
- Speaking of which, how did Kristoff pitch ‘selling ice in Scandinavia’ to his bank manager?
- Why didn’t the family take up the trolls on their offer of teaching Elsa how to use her powers properly?
- What the heck is the deal with the trolls, anyway?
- And why do people herald Anna as the embodiment of female independence when she swoons into love with not one, but two unsuitable guys at the drop of a hat?
The list goes on and on, and perhaps you can explain the answer to some of these puzzling paradoxes. If so, feel free to hit the comments below… and feel free to tell us how wrong we are, too (like Frozen fans need any prompting.)
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